Thoughtful Tuesday: Prayer Changes Everything

Prayer.  It does change everything.

Forgiveness is difficult. And I am not even talking huge, can't even fathom, life altering instances where forgiveness may be darn near impossible.

I am talking every day. I am talking being ignored or pushed aside when you need a boost. I am talking those times when someone makes you feel so tiny and insignificant. Or when your feelings are hurt. Maybe the times when a person makes a snide comment or remark that just toasts your grits. Maybe it is the times that a person says nothing at all when you really just want them to acknowledge your existence.

Our preacher spoke about this on Sunday. Forgiving. Jesus died on the cross to forgive our ULTIMATE sins. Yet, it is our human nature to hold onto every little time a person has wronged us. Like I said, I am not even talking those huge, life altering instances. You know, those instances like being NAILED to a cross? Jesus still forgave us. He forgives us every. single. day.

Each time we don't give Him the time we should, He forgives us. Each time we push Him aside instead of reaching up when we need a boost, He forgives us.  Each time we feel tiny and insignificant, and are wrapped up in our own humanly tribulations instead of laying our worries at His feet... We are forgiven.

All we have to do is pray. Ask. Simply toss it up and say, "Hey God, I am human down here and I am sorry.  I know I should give you more time/glory/honor/praise and I really screwed up today. Please help me to carry out your message and be a steward of your kindness." And guess what? HE FORGIVES US.

Why is it so hard to extend that grace to others in our lives? I will be the first to admit that I struggle with that. I laid in the bedroom floor just last night and thought about this person who I often struggle with forgiving all the little things. How she sometimes makes me feel so small and insignificant, discarded while something (anything) better comes along until she needs me once again.

Why not just pray? Pray for our relationship. Pray that God help me to do whatever it is I need to do to strengthen this relationship? Pray He changes ME, not her?

I don't know... Like most other matters out there, this is easier said than done. But it can't hurt, right?

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

For reasons I have yet to share on the blog, this verse is speaking so loudly to me tonight. The Lord has planned our future since we were a mere glimmer of life. I have seen His work in my own life so clearly as of late. I know that He holds me, and Justin, our marriage and our future in His hands right now.

I know that within a few weeks, we will have great news to share. No matter what, I know that we have done everything in our hands. It's now up to The Lord, who promises plans of HOPE and prosperity!

Rainy Days

It has been raining for two days straight. Literally. It's affecting my mood y'all.

We have some pretty big changes on the horizon. It's exciting and scary all at the same time. Things we've been praying frequently and whole-heartedly for are all starting to come to fruition. It's amazing to see God's hands at work.

In the midst of all of this, I'm a little sad by the behaviors of some of those closest to us. What should be such a joyful time for us gets dampened by the negative Nancy attitudes of others. It's so silly to let that affect my happiness, but I wear my heart on my sleeve and always have.

I will never understand choosing to miss out, purposefully ignoring, consciously being hateful to your loved ones. Especially in a time of joy. But I know that bitterness and jealousy are pushing the behaviors. I also know that one day, those behaviors will be regretted. However, when is enough enough?

I am excited to share the changes as they happen... So much to be thankful for.

Until then, anyone have any boxes? ;-)

Random Brain Dump

I think I may be in a little bit of a blogging funk. A lot is going on, but it is not all "stuff" I feel like blogging about yet.

We had a very nice Easter. We went to Church and then went over to Justin's Grandma Jo's. Our church had an Easter breakfast and Easter Egg hunt for all the children, but we chose to skip that part this year. I don't necessarily think it was purposeful, but I don't know if my heart would have  really been up to it. The service was very nice, however, and it was good to be there.  Justin's Grandma Jo always cooks up a plentiful meal, and it was soooo good! I ate so much! After eating, the "kids" had an egg hunt, and then the adults had one. I put kids in quotations because Justin hunted with them. Ha!

I feel like we have so many balls in the air that I may drop them all at any time. But such is life. There is so much going on. I am hoping for a low-key weekend of nice weather and some yard work.

I am also hoping, on a completely unrelated topic, that people realize how their attitude and sometimes selfishness can effect other people. It is like so many just live in their own little world, never thinking about how their actions and comments (or lack of) can really touch someone other than themselves. It's a little disturbing. I think that some people just lack an awareness. For example - saying about 500 times in ONE short amount of time "OH that's because I am a MOTHER" can really grate on my nerves. I get it. You are. I am not. Whatevs. Or how's about the experiment I am undertaking called "let's see how many times you make an attempt to talk to me without me making contact FIRST OR you needing something?" Yeah, that's going splendid. My hypothesis is correct. Rarely.

On a brighter note, every morning this week I have woken up early and done a devotional and read some scripture and prayed. This morning I also watched an episode of Joel Osteen that I had DVR'd. It makes such a difference. I just feel better and definitely more grounded in the Lord when I start my day off right. I promise. Despite the entire paragraph above of complaining. Have to get it out though :)

Here's to some sunshine and warmer weather!

Family Weekend

This was a weekend full of family. Saturday Justin, my mom and I drove to Cape to meet with my sister Miste and niece Ella. Ella's 10th birthday was Friday and she wanted to go shopping in St. Louis for her present. A little diva! She in particular wanted to go to the American Girl store because she had convinced my Mom, "Coy," to buy her bitty baby twins.

Ella managed to convince her Justin to go with her. To the American Girl store. Justin, who at this point says his beard is 1 1/2 reed lengths. She has how wrapped around that finger for sure. I had to giggle at the slight of a very manly man following her (and me) around the store pretending to be interested.

Having lunch with Abby Marie.

I can't even lie. I was so excited! I want to have a little girl just so I can relive American Girls. I had Molly when I was younger. She is a historical doll. And, from what I could remembered, the only one  who hasn't been retired that were original to my time. Haha. It was such an awesome store and no doubt a little girls dream.

Needless to say, Ella walked out with two bitty baby Asian girl twins, SIX bitty baby outfits, training pants for the babies, and hair accessories. She is one smart cookie bringing Baba, Justin AND Coy along.

Ella says this will be Baba and Jay's future.

Today, we went to Cape to church with Miste and Clay to see our sweet Sam as today was his Confirmation. I was so very proud of him. To see my baby boy openly profess his faith and publicly accept Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior was overwhelming. We just love him so much and he is turning into such a sweet spirited young man. Though according to his parents he is a typical teenager :) However, he knows that Baba and Justin will be there always and no matter what.

We are just so blessed to have these two wonderful children in our life and a great family to boot. This weekend was busy but full of love!

Thoughtful Tuesday: Jeremiah

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.” Jeremiah 29:11-14

I have struggled today.... And this verse keeps swirling around my head. I feel myself becoming upset, angry, frustrated - and suddenly, I would start repeating these words. Comfort and peace would come.

 I am in a time right now of "growing pains" as my sweet friend so affectionately called them. Growing pains are never fun, especially when your ability to provide/livelihood comes into play.

However, just this morning I was telling my Mom that I can see God really moving in my life right now, specifically in my work. I can see His hand opening up doors that I weren't sure were possible. I had faith this morning - and someone else's actions and remarks should not shake that! He was faithful this morning, and He is faithful NOW.

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Change

I don't even remember the last time I posted... Or what it was about. I am sure many things have happened since then, but I am in a fog.

I am tired. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. Change scares me. I want to run and hide under the covers and never poke my head out. Albeit that would be awesome, I don't think it is feasible.

Thankfully, I have a wonderfully supportive husband beside me. I don't know what I would do without him.

My feelings have been really hurt recently, and I just do not deal well with that. I can handle someone making me mad. But feeling hurt - well, that, for whatever reason, is so hard for me to process.

I feel like so much is going on, so much is potentially changing, but nothing is happening. It is SO weird. To see life move in front of you - but to feel like you are stuck and standing still?

I am sure God is tired of hearing my voice! I know He is in control. I know this is a test of patience. Of faith. I am SO blessed that in the grand scheme of life, things could be so much different than they are now.

I just am not GOOD with change, ya know? Or not having a "plan." I think that is the problem here. I like to be in control - but when you are waiting for a few pieces of the puzzle to fall into place, there is no control.

That my friends, is why I am just not good with change.

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Be Still

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Delighting in the Lord

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

What exactly does it mean to delight yourself in the Lord? Is it to praise His righteous name, even in the times when you want to cry out and question? Is it to be a walking, talking example of the Christian faith - even when you make a mistake? Is it sharing in the joys of our Christian faith, in any way you can?

I am struggling to live and believe this verse each day. To delight myself in Him, through ALL things. To consistently be a beacon of light to those who may be wondering in the dark. To speak in a way that when someone hears, they just know that I am radiating God's love to the world.

I believe that the Lord will give me the desires of my heart - and He knows what those are - in His timing. But am I doing enough? Am I delighting enough? Am I sharing enough?

Thoughtful Tuesday... Comparison

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This is always something I think ANY human struggles with. It stems from way back to Adam & Eve.... Worrying, thinking too much about everyone else and not enough about you and your own personal salvation and relationship with God.

This Sunday, our pastor spoke on this to some extent. The gist of the message was that when we leave this Earth, what will we be remembered by? It won't be for our worldly possessions, vehicles, homes, JOBS. It will be for what we have done for others in the light of Jesus.

Always comparing ourselves to others is a way in which we tend to focus on the worldly possessions instead of our walk in faith. And I am guilty of this at times. In fact, just yesterday ON MY WAY TO CHURCH I was lamenting to my husband about how frustrated I sometimes get when life is so much "easier" for others who don't even appreciate it.

It is hard not to get caught up in comparing what we have to what others have. I especially have difficulty when I see others who don't appreciate the blessings in their life. Instead, they would rather complain about everyday, mundane details when the "stupid things" they are complaining about are the same things I pray for daily.

Whatcha gonna do, though? I don't want to live a life of misery. So I am working, each day, not to let ANYTHING steal my joy!

Thoughtful Tuesday... Faith

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I am really struggling with this. I have to be honest here. Like, really REALLY struggling. I don't want to be a debbie downer. But I guess sometimes, these things just happen.

While I am very happy in my life, there are a few different areas that I keep wanting to move forward. Just human nature to always push ahead... Then I get caught up in life. While I know I shouldn't compare myself to others, sometimes it's impossible not to.

I have heard more than my fair of stories lately of people getting pregnant on accident, or being devastated to be pregnant even when they are in a happy, committed relationship. Then I get mad. I want to say it is bullcrap and not fair. Why is it SO easy for some and not for others? It makes no sense to me.

Or, I say outwardly that I know our house will sell when it's the right timing. When it is in His plan. Yet, when we don't get a phone call back after a showing - I am so frustrated and disappointed. I mean, I woke up last night in a panic convinced someone was trying to burgle me. Pretty sure that wasn't happening, but I need to be somewhere where I feel at peace.....

But then I say, I have FAITH. I believe that God will bless us when it is our turn. I say it. I truly believe it. I just want it when I want it. That is not how God works. I know He is teaching me patience. He truly is. Because patience is not something I have ever been too great at.

I can't really explain it. I look around at the world and see all of the people out there who look like whatever they want is handed to them, no questions ask. Then I think about how I bust my hind-end and so does my husband. We get up and go to work every day. Have worked our entire lives. Try to live by God's word and do His will.

I guess, though, I just need to remember this. Because my faith isn't going to change whether what I want happens NOW or two days from now or two months from now. My God is always there.

Thoughtful Tuesday (on Wednesday): Thoughts on Marriage

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Our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY is approaching on Monday. Seriously, I feel like it was just yesterday that we were married. I can remember every little moment. I look at the photographs and it is like I am right. there.

It was the absolute best day of my life. A day I had waited for, patiently, for SO long. God is SO good people! He brought us through so much, and gave us a beautiful celebration as a reminder of how far we had already come.

Marriage has always been something to serious to me. Something sacred and special. Something you do not jump into lightly. Something you PROTECT.

My husband is the most important person in my life. When we joined together in marriage, we made the ultimate decision and commitment to start a family together, and honor it above all else. These days, I think some people jump into marriage thinking "oh well, might as well do this. If it doesn't work we will just divorce." Whereas, for me, it was the opposite.

Our marriage has grown by leaps and bounds over this year. We've polished it. Kept it from becoming ordinary. Prayed over it. Asked God nightly to lead us where He wants us to go - together.

I am so blessed that God gave me this wonderful, compassionate, beautiful human being for a husband.

Rainy Reflections

I'm sitting outside on our patio swing, listening to it rain and the cicadas, with my puppy at my feet. Waiting on my wonderful husband to get home from football practice (two hours late!) and I am just reminded how precious life is. How blessed I am. Life could not get much better for us, even with the downs it sometimes brings. I'm so content to be right where I am.

I don't know that, until within the last year, I have felt this content. I'm really working hard on just letting things go. To not dwell on what I don't have, can't fix, need to do, or person I so desperately want to accept me. Instead, to just be in the now and stop wishing for something more or different and be grateful for what is right smack dab in front of me.

We have so many hopes and dreams for our next year of marriage. But, regardless of whether or not they happen, I know one ultimate truth: I am married to my very best friend and partner, and with him by my side, I have what I need.

I've been reading Proverbs 31 and really thinking about the type of wife I want to be. Need to be. I want to be worth "far more than rubies" (31:10) and "clothed with strength and dignity" to "laugh at the days to come" (31:25). I want to speak with wisdom and have faithful words on my tongue (31:26).

It is on my mind tonight as I sit here in peace and quiet, reflecting on the last few days. That's my goal... To be the kind of wife that reflects Proverbs 31. Here I go...

Love Never Fails

 

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 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

This was our message yesterday in church. I have to say, when I saw this was our verse for the day, I smiled. This is one of my absolute favorite verses in the Bible. Although Justin & I chose not to have this verse read during our wedding - it still is one that serves as such a reminder to me of what love should really be. I expected the Preacher to give a sermon about love and its beauty and how we all are so blessed by the love of Jesus. I was looking forward to having a "feel-good" sermon that would leave me warm and fuzzy.

However, he took it a little different path than what I expected. And I liked it. A few months ago, Justin and I both read the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan.  I highly, highly recommend it. It really gives you an entirely different perspective about what it means to truly LOVE Jesus with all your heart. As excerpted from the website, "God is calling you to a passionate love relationship with Himself. Because the answer to religious complacency isn't working harder at a list of do's and don'ts — it's falling in love with God. Because when you're wildly in love with someone, it changes everything."

 

It is true. When you are SO wildly in love, you will do anything. As the Preacher described it, when you are that in LOVE, you will drop whatever you have for the other person. You will drive hours to see that person just for a short time, because you cannot bear the thought of being away from one another. (Which, by the way, is why my vehicle has 160,000 miles on it!! Driving back and forth and back and forth from St. Louis to home for years.) You will do anything it takes just for a few minutes.

 

Why aren't we like that with God? Clamoring to just have a few breathless seconds with Him every day? Why doesn't our heart beat uncontrollably and we feel the little butterflies at the thought of spending time with Him? I don't know, honestly. But I want to feel that. I need to feel that. I pray all the time. Literally. I have never been one to only pray once a day. I pray at work before I answer the phone or visit with a client, that God will speak THROUGH me and that I will do His will in whatever I say. I pray that Justin has a good day, a safe day. I thank God constantly for the fact that Justin is His miracle and his body is healed. I pray for a baby and our home to sell. But I need to start taking that time where I just focus on my relationship with God each and every day. Even if it is just a few minutes where I focus on nothing but Him.

 

At the end of the sermon, the Preacher had us all look at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and place our name into the verses. So instead of "Love is patient, Love is kind" we instead said "Claire is patient, Claire is kind." 

 

Claire is patient. Claire is kind.

 

Am I? I do believe I am kind. I have the biggest heart. But patience? That is a downfall of mine, for sure!

 

Claire is does not envy, she does not boast, she is not proud.

 

Again. It caused me to step back and think. I am probably one of the least boastful and proud people I know - at least in my profession. But what about envy? As we embark on this journey to start a family, I have felt envious of others. Of those who have children and don't appreciate them. Of those who think "oh, I'll just have another baby" without even stopping to look at the repercussions. Of those who get pregnant and think "oh my gosh, WHY did this happen now?" And that is NOT, I repeat NOT, the person I want to be! I want to be happy, joyful, excited for anyone who experiences that blessing.

 

Claire does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs.

 

Do I forgive? Realize that everyone is human, a sinner, and mistakes are made? Let it go? Sometimes I fail at this. I try. But I also sin. I heard some comments made about/towards me by someone that I love. I was upset. Hurt. Even angry. But I made the conscious decision to just let it go. Move on. Keep no record.

Claire does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth.

I need to remember this. Cast away the devil and remember to focus on the good.

 

Claire always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Claire never fails.

 

I am a fierce protector of what is good in my life. I have an enormous amount of faith and hope in the good. But am I always a beacon of that hope? Do I fail at shining down God's love on others?

 

 

I definitely have some praying and thinking to do. What do you all think? Be honest with me - where are my downfalls? What should I strive to work on? Am I seeing myself clearly, or do I present as someone completely different? How do you feel when instead of seeing Claire in the blanks, you substitute your name? What about your spouse's name or the name of a significant other? 

Happy With Less

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I have been struggling lately. Feeling unsettled. Like I should be striving for more. When in reality, I think I just need to be content. We are so unbelievably blessed. No doubts about it.

I think a lot of this stems from the stress of my job. I always feel like I am not doing enough. And honestly, I don't care for conflict. What a career I have picked, right?! So I go home at night and am still worrying about all the files piled up on my desk. Because to me, they aren't just files or clients. They are people. People who have trusted ME with their life, in a way.

Then there is this indescribable want, desire, need - to be parents. To have a baby. OUR baby. Made with our parts. The old fashioned way. Not with test tubes and needles and prodding and anesthesia.  I am trying SO hard to be patient. I am. But then I hear people complaining about having a child. Mad because they have to change their schedule to accommodate their baby. J & I would give ANYTHING to have the luxury of fighting over who gets to change a diaper or rock a newborn or play outside with a toddler in the sprinklers.  Or I see someone who has struggled for years - YEARS - and is finally blessed only to have it all taken away in a second. I read the news and see the story about a mother who beat her toddler with a skillet. And I want to scream. To the world, to anyone who is listening - I don't have that privilege! And it is a privilege. So be happy. Enjoy it. LOVE it.

I read a story last night about adoption. J & I have always said, from the beginning, that one day we would love to adopt a child or children. And then I have this worry. Not about our ability to love the child. Because I think anyone who knows us, who sees us interact with our nieces and nephew and little cousins, KNOWS that we have the ability to love a child that isn't our flesh in the same way as one who was. But would our family? Our friends? Would there be the contact comparing of one child who is biological to one who is not? The "oh SHE/HE acts/looks/sleeps/runs just like her/his daddy" to "oh, they adopted her/him?" I don't know.

Praise God, we have the ability to have biological children, or at least, we planned ahead for that. SO the good Lord willing, it will work one way or another.

But regardless, we are still happy. Content. We love our life just the two (or three, if you count Oreo) of us. We are happy with LESS than what others have.

And, we have so much MORE than some others too. Not in a materialistic way. Although we don't want for anything. We have a beautiful home, two working vehicles (I won't say nice, per say, but they get the job done!), good food on our table, stable and dependable jobs. Good health (PRAISE GOD!). We have a life full of love, laughter, friends. Family who is always, always there. I never go a single day without knowing that there are a handful of people who LOVE me to the ends of this Earth. So many don't have that.

So when I see someone who has the honor of being called Momma or Daddy and doesn't realize what an absolute blessing it is - I cringe. I go home and cry. I cry that this isn't fair.

But God. He has a plan. A wonderful, perfectly timed, plan.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 

Edited to Add: I don't live in a fantasy world that being a parent will be perfect. I know better. I know their will be times when we are tired, cranky, hungry, sleepy or just want a break.

Love: A Condition

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This little quote explains so much about me, I do believe.

Jay and I had a very serious and in-depth discussion about just this topic recently on a long drive to a business trip I had to make. (Side note: having a teacher spouse is awesome when you have to make long/boring business trips over the summer!)  (Side note redux: being on a business trip while on a diet that you are SERIOUS about is stressful!) (Side note to the side note: being in a car all day, hungry and tired, does not make for a happy Claire.)

I was feeling down and blue. A large majority of that likely stems from hormones. But whatever. We aren't allowed to say that. It's a rule. DO NOT blame my "feelings" on hormones! I need to be validated and that sure as hell doesn't do it.

Anyway. I get SO caught up sometimes in what everyone else wants, needs, feels. First and foremost, it is a big part of my job. So it is expected. But I also get so wound up in keeping everyone else happy that I forget about myself.

I was trying to explain it to him. How I loved him SO much that I felt responsible for his daily happiness. How, if he was having a bad or "off" day I felt solely responsible for it, even when it had nothing to do with me.

And I finally (after literally hours of talking) could verbalize what I was trying to point out. His happiness was MY happiness. And it clicked. Because my happiness is HIS happiness, too.

The thing is though, Jay is much better at compartmentalizing this than I am. While my happiness is essential to his own, he also realizes that my UNhappiness is not ALWAYS a reflection of him.

I can't do that as well. And I also tend to believe that the happiness of a majority of the people closest to me is essential to mine - which isn't true. I tend to blame myself when someone is hateful or spiteful. And don't get me wrong - I sometimes AM to blame. But not always.

And that is when he told me some very, very truthful statements. That I needed to hear. That I didn't want to hear. But were necessary in helping me to realize that if my happiness isn't essential to someone else's, then theirs should not be essential to mine.

I don't need to worry about what someone else thinks. All that matters is what my husband, GOD, and I think about my actions. That is it. And for whomever does not like it - too bad.

I can't rely on others being "happy" to be happy. I need to make my own happy. Frankly, I had a moment of clarity. I was allowing myself to become a victim. To have a victim mentality where I was convinced that every statement, gesture or simply just "being" was a personal attack on ME. Honestly - with most people, that is far from the truth. Because I am pretty sure they don't even CARE enough about me to make something that personal.


So yes. When you love so deeply, the happiness of the one you love so fiercely is essential to your own. BUT - that doesn't define you. People in your life, even your deep loves, are allowed to have bad days. Off days. Even unhappy days. But that does not mean it is a direct reflection on your love, relationship or you.

Small People

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Yes.

I've been struggling lately with people in my life who I feel enjoy making other feel small, belittled or insignificant. It really is an ugly feeling.

Maybe I wear my heart on my sleeve, but there comes a point where the "joking" isn't a joke anymore and it sure is not funny. Bitterness and jealousy are two of the ugliest emotions a person can have. Especially when that person picks one or two people in which to really cast those on.

Being the person that is picked sucks. I will never be able to change this, either. So I think the best way to handle the situation is through distance. Not all the time, but when I am really feeling that someone is doing their best to belittle me.

Being undermined, poked fun at and generally criticized can take a toll on someone's emotional health. Then, you add in the 'mama bear' in me - and I don't even have children! But someone decides to belittle or undermine the person/people I love most - and that is trouble. I will take it for a long time (obviously) but you start messing with my people, and I am DONE.

I especially have issues when someone makes it so obvious they are choosing who to undermine and belittle - and then so obviously chose another to use as their "shield" and excuse for doing so.  That, to me, is mean and spiteful. Despite what some may believe or chose to believe, I have a lot to offer sometimes. Just because I have yet to give you exactly what you have decided makes someone worthy or of value, doesn't mean I am NOT worthy and of value.

There is just no need to be so jealous, angry and bitter that the only way you can find your "happiness" is to make others be unhappy. Plain and simple. So I pray that I am never that person. I pray that I can always look past my struggles, insecurities and own jealousies and instead be the person that makes someone believe they are great.

I just see too much of this. Too many people surrounding themselves with others who make them feel small, ugly, unworthy. And I want to change this! So maybe I just need to start and look within myself. Don't get me wrong - I have a very awesome, EXTREMELY BLESSED, life. I am in awe of what Jesus is doing for me every. single. day. But I am also human - and I have moments where I just let others get the best of me. This is unhealthy behavior. So today, I am going to start changing that! Hopefully, if I start making a conscious effort to make others feel the greatness that they truly are, it will come back around!

To All the Moms

Today was one of those awesome, awe-inspiring days when I felt God speaking directly to me. I do not know why I am surprised - He has done this many times. Yet, each time I hear His voice and His message resonate exactly when I need it, I am taken a little by surprise.

As Justin and I were headed to church this morning, I told him I felt it may be a little emotional for me. Obviously, the focus today was on mothers. And obviously, I am not one, although I long to be. I just felt this tiny wave of sadness because things haven't happened as fast as I want them to.

God reminded me, though, that everything is in His timing. His perfect timing.

The preacher's message today focused on two mothers from the bible. Two mothers who, prayed and longed for a child. Two mothers who turned to God for salvation, but each reacted differently to His answers.

The first was the story of Abraham and Sarah. Sarah was very old - too old to have a child. Yet, God had promised Abraham that he would have a son. The Lord appeared before Abraham along with three men.

Then they said to him, "Where is Sarah your wife?" And he said, "There, in the tent." He said, "I will surely return to you at this time next year, and behold; Sarah your wife will have a son." And Sarah was listening at the tent door, which was behind him. Now, Abraham and Sarah were old,  advanced in age; Sarah was past childbearing years. Sarah laughed to herself, saying, "After I have become old, shall I have the pleasure, my lord being old also?" And the Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh, saying 'Shall I indeed bear a child, when I am so old?"" Is anything to difficult for the Lord? ~ Genesis 18:9-14.

Sarah laughed in the face of the Lord. She totally mis-perceived God's abilities.  She giggled behind the tent, and did not hear what the Lord her GOD was telling her. I don't want to be a Sarah. I want to be a Hannah.

Hannah prayed for years to be blessed with a child. The Lord had closed her womb. (1 Samuel 1:5).  She was praying feverishly for a child, and one day was at church praying when Eli saw her talking, seemingly to herself, and accused her of drinking too much. She told him no, she was just praying for the Lord to open her womb, and so Eli blessed her. But - in due time, the Lord remembered her, and she conceived, giving her first son to the Lord to do his will. (1 Samuel 1:12-20).

Hannah praised the Lord. She never gave up. She always believed that the Lord would open her womb and bless her with sweet children.  Hannah prayed a song of Thanksgiving, saying in part:

My heart exults in the Lord; My horn is exalted in the Lord, my moth speaks boldly against my enemies; Because I rejoice in Your salvation. There is no one holy like the Lord,, Indeed, there is no one besides You, nor is there any rock like our God. ~ 1 Samuel 2:1-3

As I sat on the pew today, I felt like God needed me to hear these stories. Our time is coming. We will be blessed. I have faith. I have the faith of Hannah - and I know that God is capable of the completely unimaginable. So I can't wait to see what He has ready for us.

After church, we celebrated with our families. We went over to Justin's grandma's house to spend time with her and his Mom and family. Then we came home and I cooked a big meal for my mom and dad. It was a very nice day filled with family, love and fun.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms, Moms-to-be, praying to be Moms, fur Moms, and the next best thing to Mom (aka - Aunts!). My sweet Sam always says if he can't have his Mom, his Baba is the next best thing!

 

Wednesday Musings

I am so tired today! Doesn't help that I've got a lingering migraine hanging on. These headaches have got to GO. It is so miserable!

Nothing new going on here. Been a busy morning so far and I am sure it will be a busy afternoon. I am so thankful for this beautiful weather, however. It is gorgeous outside! Now, if I could manage to sneak away from work to enjoy it....

Thought of the day:

Source: ishareprintables.com via Claire on Pinterest

I am so guilty of this! For one, I am a very verbal person. So I tend to need to "talk" about whatever is bothering me and rationalize, plan, think through - all aloud. I am pretty sure I sometimes drive Justin crazy by rehashing the same issues over and over... 

 But I have been working lately on talking to God more. God knows the words I am thinking before they are even on my tongue (Psalm 139:4). How awesome is that! When I can't find the "right" way to pray - HE ALREADY KNOWS. I've been trying to take more quiet time to just meditate on my thoughts. To pray to my forgiving God and ask Jesus to shine His light on my path. And I tell you now, IT HAS BEEN WORKING. Whenever I start to feel anxious, scared, upset - I stop. I stop my brain from going ninety miles a minute and take a moment to be quiet. I give myself a chance to breathe, then I talk to God. I pray. I pray for calmness, understanding, peace. And just these last few days when I have REALLY been trying - God has listened. In fact, He has known before I even speak.... How great is that?

Wednesday Musings

I'm going with some random thoughts today. So bear with me. I think I will even number the paragraphs to make it easier to follow. Nerd alert.

 1. Facebook and Christianity I know that Facebook is a public forum. And I understand I choose who I friend and what I post. But lately I have read some pretty upsetting posts. People are SO quick to point fingers and judge. Especially when it comes to Christianity and church and morality. I do post statuses that are faith based. I have never denied my strong Christian background or the fact that I am steady in my faith. I think everyone would whole heartily agree that I do not use that belief to condemn or belittle others. I consciously post scripture, thoughts, prayers or song lyrics when I need a visual and public reminder of God's undeniable love for His children. I always stop to think that maybe this is the time that ONE person needed to hear these words. I look at it as an opportunity to testify - not crucify.

 Some who call themselves children of God simply use this forum to crucify every person who does not agree with them. I strongly believe that my testimony should be in the light of love and understanding. I'm fairly certain that Jesus did not call his disciples to condemn every sinner they came in contact with. Sharing the word should not be done in a way that makes another human being feel so despicable that they think Jesus could NEVER love them.

Edited to add: Case in point: this morning, a sweet friend in Christ posted a scripture verse that I think says much better what my point is:

²⁰ “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, ²¹ that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. ²² I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— ²³ I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. John 17:20-23.

It doesn't matter if you are Baptist, Methodist, Catholic or a member of a non-denominational church. Jesus prayed for ALL believers. Why can't those who claim to walk in the footsteps of Jesus do the same?

 While I know this happened before Facebook came along, I think now it makes it easier for people to hide behind their computer screen and use the Bible to berate those who are different.

 2. Valentines Day I love love. And pink. And hearts. I love Valentine's Day. Any reason to proclaim to the world how blessed, grateful and overjoyed I am to have a life filled with many people to love is great in my book. Which really burns my grits for people to make comments that if you "have" to profess your love on this holiday obviously you have NO real love and need to put on a show. You know what they say about making assumptions......

 3. Final Thoughts I just felt like I needed to have three headings in order to have a numbered list. But I'm finding myself frustrated here lately with how unbelievably selfish and unkind some members of the human race are. I pray that we can raise our kids to be selfless, kind and generous humans. This world needs more.