Delighting in the Lord

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

What exactly does it mean to delight yourself in the Lord? Is it to praise His righteous name, even in the times when you want to cry out and question? Is it to be a walking, talking example of the Christian faith - even when you make a mistake? Is it sharing in the joys of our Christian faith, in any way you can?

I am struggling to live and believe this verse each day. To delight myself in Him, through ALL things. To consistently be a beacon of light to those who may be wondering in the dark. To speak in a way that when someone hears, they just know that I am radiating God's love to the world.

I believe that the Lord will give me the desires of my heart - and He knows what those are - in His timing. But am I doing enough? Am I delighting enough? Am I sharing enough?

Who Makes You Happy?

Source: roseandhudson.tumblr.com via Claire on Pinterest

 I feel like I spend most of my days worried about what every one else thinks of me. I have to deal with my peers, and being a "newbie" attorney - this can be pretty stressful. I am always on edge. Worried about whether I sound like I have ANY sense or whether I sound like a complete jackass.

I worry that people in my life, who I should have an easy relationship with - a good, pleasant, loving relationship - with, don't like me as much as they like others. That I don't do enough. And even when I do go above and beyond, they look at me and say "oh, well, she should have/could have done more."

Unless I am with Justin (and even then I still worry about not falling into the "we have been together forever/newlywed bliss is wearing off rut), I am trying to impress. And people, this just gets exhausting.

I want to spend my days with people who love me for me. Who don't feel the need to berate me, hang up on me, whisper behind my back. Who actually appreciate my strengths, not who say they do to get something out of it - but in actuality, just use my strengths until I am bled dry.

So maybe it's coming. A change. One where I say, "hey, I am not here to impress you - don't like me, move on."  But, let's be honest - it's doubtful.

Until then, I shall focus on those who DO make me happy. My husband, who is my rock, my constant source of inspiration, and the one who I share so many inside jokes, laughs and smiles with. My parents, who love me so much. My nieces and nephews, who can look at me, smile or tell me they love me, and I melt. My sweet, precious Oreo who hides under the kitchen table when it storms, but knows just when to jump in my lap when I am sad. My wonderful friends and extended family, brother and sister (and in-laws) who know just when I need a little boost.

They all make me very, very happy.

I Wish... 30 Things: Day 17

What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

I think there are a lot of things in life I wish I were great at. Cooking, sleeping, smiling, laughing, sewing, painting, crafting.... The list could go on and on. However, I believe the thing I MOST wish I was great at is living a life that is free of constant worry - to just learn to "go with the flow" and stop second-guessing myself.

Justin is very much this person. He rarely stresses or worries. He has this since of calmness and peace. I wish I were great at that. I  am so uptight most of the time! Seriously. It's beyond my control. Ha!

Between my job and other stresses, I just have a hard time letting go. But when I do - whether it is through prayer, a massage, or just having fun - I am a completely different person.

I need to laugh more. I need to smile more. I need to giggle and tickle and wrestle and roll around and play fetch with Oreo and appreciate the little things in life.

I need to remember this day and WHY I have a million reasons to let it all go:

THIS is the look of pure JOY. No worry or stress here!

-----

PS: If you are visiting from Kelly's Korner SUYL Friday - hello :) If you want to read more about my beautiful rockstar of a husband and I, start here and check out our wedding posts telling you about what happened before the first look, when I saw my husband the first time that day, walking down aisle, the ceremony, the biggest after-party ever, and the little details. If you are interested in the 30 Day Challenge, start here to read from the beginning. This blog is a mis-match of thoughts, pictures and life. Poke around and hopefully you will enjoy a little glimpse into our world.

So You've Had a Bad Day

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You fall into pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You hurry back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Wow. This has been a day. Actually, it has been a string of days. Sometimes, I don't know. This job. It really, really gets to me. I am over stressed. Over worked. Over tired. I worry constantly. I feel sick at my stomach more days than not from pure nerves. I am so fed up with it. I kept hoping that I would get into a groove. That it would be easier. But it seems like just when I get the hang of it. BAM. Something else. I am just hanging on because I love what I do. I believe in what I do. I am just so tired. I need some help sometimes.

 Last night I had an interesting conversation. I obviously haven't been shy with the fact that Justin and I would love to have a baby. Soon. And it may be difficult for us. Which is really, really scary. I know I shouldn't "worry." That it will "happen when the time is right." I KNOW THAT. But it doesn't make the wait any easier. When someone non-chalantly comments, "Oh, you don't need to worry. It will happen when it is right," I want to punch them in the face. I can worry. I have a right to worry. And when YOU didn't HAVE to worry because getting knocked up was as easy as the wind blowing in the right direction - don't tell me what to do. I know that sounds harsh. But what I want to hear is, "I'm praying for God to bless you with a baby." Or "You have every right to worry!" Or "Keep trying. I have faith."

So add these two major stressors, and it is no wonder. My body is probably freaking out and going into hibernation mode trying to save itself from being eaten alive by stress. No biggie. Really :)

Maybe I just need some perspective. Some time spent with God. To remember who my creator is. To know that I have prayed without ceasing. To be reminded that He is in control. Because bottom line - my husband is here, healthy and happy. We get to spend every day together. I see his smiling face in the morning when I wake up and at night when I go to bed. And he's enough to make my heart happy every day for the rest of my life.