Forgiveness

So I have been thinking lately about forgiveness. It is not always easy for me. I tend to wear my heart right out on my shoulder, and when someone hurts me - it is practically devastating. I strive to be so perfect - the perfect wife, perfect lawyer, perfect daughter, perfect friend - that when people do not respond to me in a way I see as nice or genuine, it can paralyze me.

I have been praying off and on about some relationships and general life issues in particular that are really just weighing on my heart. I have SO much to be thankful and grateful for. God has blessed us abundantly. But I can't stop thinking about those people in my life, or the situations I encounter, that are less than perfect.

However, God can't change my heart unless I am open and willing. I think that in order for these relationships to grow, I need to HONESTLY forgive the past wrongs. Even if there has been a list of wrongs. And even if the wrongs keep happening. Some of the relationships and situations are not going to change. Period. So I need to change my heart. I need to forgive, so that I can allow Jesus to help me love - irregardless of what I expect to receive in return.

I know it won't be easy. And I have been trying for a LONG time. But I need to step up my game.

"Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits."