I wrote this blog entry on March 20, 2013. We had been trying naturally to conceive for about 15 months, to no avail. At the time I wasn't ready to share my story. By sharing, we hope our story inspires other couples to keep their faith and glorifies the work of our Lord and Savior.
Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.” 1 Samuel 1:17
A week ago today, we had our first appointment with the infertility clinic. We are seeing a specialist in St. Louis, which is about a three hour drive from home. Justin was able to go into work for a couple of hours, which meant he only had to have a sub for half the day (his planning period and lunch fell during the time he was gone). That was great, because he is trying to save as many days as possible to carry over until next school year, in hopes that we have a BABY he would need to miss for :)
We arrived a little late and lost, but made it. I was so anxious. We walked into the office, paid (they don't mess around with the money, honey) and were immediately taken to a consult room. We did not wait long at all before a resident came in to speak with us. She was very nice and explained a lot of what the process would be. However, she burst our proverbial baby bubble when she very gently told us we weren't candidates for IUI - but IVF.
I knew deep down in my heart this was probably the case. But there was a large part of BOTH of us that had hoped and wished we could "get by" with IUI. Much less cost, much less invasive, much less hormone treatment. My heart sunk when I heard those words, and I felt sick when she explained the costs....
We had a lull in-between the resident leaving and the doctor coming in. I stared out the window aimlessly while Justin jotted down a list of questions. I was so thankful in that moment to have him there. For whatever reason I could NOT focus or think. I was in a state of shock I believe. Until that moment in time, I hadn't let myself really believe that we would have to undergo an invasive, expensive, timely procedure to get pregnant. I literally sat in that small room and pleaded with God to fill me with a sense of peace. To wrap us both in His presence, and to let us know this was what we were supposed to do.
Well, Dr. Kellar came in and I immediately like her. She went over some of the same things as the resident - then stopped herself and said "Honey, you have a look on your face that tells me you are upset. What can I do?" I just could NOT process what was happening. However, once again - Justin started asking some questions and I finally opened up and took in the process. We went through a timeline of what would have to be done, including some initial bloodwork and a couple of procedures to make sure there are no issues with my uterus. We talked about the medications and the costs and the actual procedures of harvesting the eggs and transplanting the embryos. And I felt it. A sense of calmness and peace. My anxiety settled to a normal level. I knew that He was in control.
Because I was in the perfect day of my cycle, they were able to test all of my hormone levels while I was in the office, along with running a few more blood tests that needed to be done. Yes, that meant bloodwork. I am NOT A FAN of needles (ha! guess I should get over that, huh?). I went with the nurse and immediately warned her - I am a hard stick and don't do well with the blood. Low and behold - my predictions were true. She and another nurse worked for a few minutes and could not get any of my veins to pop up. They decided I was dehydrated. What I LOVED is that they were so nice and patient - and said they would NOT start poking me if they did not know they would hit a vein and be successful. So, I drank about four cups of water and my veins popped a little. They finally had me to lay down and were able to slowly get all the vials of blood. So while it was a process - it was not painful, I did not pass out, and I made it out alive. Point to Claire.
Today the nurse called to let me know all of my bloodwork came back "perfectly normal." PTL. God answered a prayer! I know that we have a much better chance of success if my levels are where they should be. Thank you Jesus for hearing my cry.
So... We are scheduled for the "orientation" which is basically a four hour class on how to do all the injections/hormones/shots and a crash course in the process, along with a couple of other procedures to check on my uterus, in May. If all goes well, we could be pregnant THIS SUMMER.
I know God is in control. He will make everything fall into place. He will align what needs to be aligned. He reigns.
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