About Me

My photo

Wife, doggy-mother, Jesus follower, CANCER FIGHTER! Just enjoying each day as it comes and remembering what is really important - family and GOD.

Search

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

So You've Had a Bad Day

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You fall into pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You hurry back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day


Wow. This has been a day. Actually, it has been a string of days. Sometimes, I don't know. This job. It really, really gets to me. I am over stressed. Over worked. Over tired. I worry constantly. I feel sick at my stomach more days than not from pure nerves. I am so fed up with it. I kept hoping that I would get into a groove. That it would be easier. But it seems like just when I get the hang of it. BAM. Something else. I am just hanging on because I love what I do. I believe in what I do. I am just so tired. I need some help sometimes.

 Last night I had an interesting conversation. I obviously haven't been shy with the fact that Justin and I would love to have a baby. Soon. And it may be difficult for us. Which is really, really scary. I know I shouldn't "worry." That it will "happen when the time is right." I KNOW THAT. But it doesn't make the wait any easier. When someone non-chalantly comments, "Oh, you don't need to worry. It will happen when it is right," I want to punch them in the face. I can worry. I have a right to worry. And when YOU didn't HAVE to worry because getting knocked up was as easy as the wind blowing in the right direction - don't tell me what to do. I know that sounds harsh. But what I want to hear is, "I'm praying for God to bless you with a baby." Or "You have every right to worry!" Or "Keep trying. I have faith."

So add these two major stressors, and it is no wonder. My body is probably freaking out and going into hibernation mode trying to save itself from being eaten alive by stress. No biggie. Really :)

Maybe I just need some perspective. Some time spent with God. To remember who my creator is. To know that I have prayed without ceasing. To be reminded that He is in control. Because bottom line - my husband is here, healthy and happy. We get to spend every day together. I see his smiling face in the morning when I wake up and at night when I go to bed. And he's enough to make my heart happy every day for the rest of my life.

2 comments:

  1. Oh Claire... I been right where you are dear. It took us 4 years to conceive Cody and 4 more for Emmalyn. I had loss over loss and so much heartache and tears. I had medications and surgeries. I left it to God. I was so tired of trying. And to hear after a loss oh youll get pregnant again... made me angry. I too wanted to punch them in the throat. What about the baby I just lost? She was nothing to you so you just dismiss her and tell me to try again. Its always so much better for people to keep their mouths shut than to open and stick their foot in. I have lots of tips and information for you if you are ever interested. You all will be amazing parents when it does and it will happen. I have been praying for you my dear. Oh please join this website... I will tell you its quite addicting. These women helped me through trying to conceive and the entire journey of ups and downs. Join Cafemom.com and join the group trying to conceive. AMAZING place. Lots of help. I promise. Let me know if you do and ill add you on there. **hugs**

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the support! We don't really know what will happen. And we haven't been seriously trying for long :) But I don't think anyone can help but "worry" when results aren't immediate!! I do know that God has destined us to be parents. So it will happen!

      Delete