I feel like I spend most of my days worried about what every one else thinks of me. I have to deal with my peers, and being a "newbie" attorney - this can be pretty stressful. I am always on edge. Worried about whether I sound like I have ANY sense or whether I sound like a complete jackass.
I worry that people in my life, who I should have an easy relationship with - a good, pleasant, loving relationship - with, don't like me as much as they like others. That I don't do enough. And even when I do go above and beyond, they look at me and say "oh, well, she should have/could have done more."
Unless I am with Justin (and even then I still worry about not falling into the "we have been together forever/newlywed bliss is wearing off rut), I am trying to impress. And people, this just gets exhausting.
I want to spend my days with people who love me for me. Who don't feel the need to berate me, hang up on me, whisper behind my back. Who actually appreciate my strengths, not who say they do to get something out of it - but in actuality, just use my strengths until I am bled dry.
So maybe it's coming. A change. One where I say, "hey, I am not here to impress you - don't like me, move on." But, let's be honest - it's doubtful.
Until then, I shall focus on those who DO make me happy. My husband, who is my rock, my constant source of inspiration, and the one who I share so many inside jokes, laughs and smiles with. My parents, who love me so much. My nieces and nephews, who can look at me, smile or tell me they love me, and I melt. My sweet, precious Oreo who hides under the kitchen table when it storms, but knows just when to jump in my lap when I am sad. My wonderful friends and extended family, brother and sister (and in-laws) who know just when I need a little boost.
They all make me very, very happy.
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