Thoughtful Tuesday (on Wednesday): Thoughts on Marriage

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Our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY is approaching on Monday. Seriously, I feel like it was just yesterday that we were married. I can remember every little moment. I look at the photographs and it is like I am right. there.

It was the absolute best day of my life. A day I had waited for, patiently, for SO long. God is SO good people! He brought us through so much, and gave us a beautiful celebration as a reminder of how far we had already come.

Marriage has always been something to serious to me. Something sacred and special. Something you do not jump into lightly. Something you PROTECT.

My husband is the most important person in my life. When we joined together in marriage, we made the ultimate decision and commitment to start a family together, and honor it above all else. These days, I think some people jump into marriage thinking "oh well, might as well do this. If it doesn't work we will just divorce." Whereas, for me, it was the opposite.

Our marriage has grown by leaps and bounds over this year. We've polished it. Kept it from becoming ordinary. Prayed over it. Asked God nightly to lead us where He wants us to go - together.

I am so blessed that God gave me this wonderful, compassionate, beautiful human being for a husband.

Not Much Going On....

I am a bundle of nervous energy right now. We got a call yesterday that someone was interested and wanted to look at our house today! YAY! I have prayed that if this is the right person/family, that whatever God intends to happen HAPPENS. If it is meant to sell, it does without complications.

Regardless, our house is now spotless. LOL! Nothing like knowing someone is going to be critiquing your house with a fine tooth comb to get ya moving. Nothing out of place and you could eat off every surface. That will last about, oh - until tonight when we are home :) It is hard to live in a house that could be on display at any second.

So fingers crossed. We love our house, but we also know that it is time to move on. It has been a wonderful starter home, but we (I) need a little more privacy. So I guess we will see how it goes. If it doesn't work, then it wasn't in God's plan for us. Maybe next time.

In other news, not much going on. Just work and home. Justin is so busy with football, and doesn't get home until late in the evening most days. It will be like that until the end of October. I can't complain, though, because he really enjoys coaching (most of the time!).

I am looking forward to fall and all it brings. Hoping for some good news around the corner!

Just Another Day

This has been a long week so far. I've been so on edge it is not even funny. But today has been remarkably better, so that is good.

There is so much floating around in this brain of mine. I am working so hard on keeping my big mouth shut about certain things.... Well, at least, picking my "battles" so to say, and venting about the rest of the bullcrap to someone else.

I guess everyone has those times. Where you just get so pissy at the way the world and people in it work, and you just word vomit all the problems you have out on the person that doesn't need to hear them, because it isn't fair? Yeah, I am bad about that. I need to think before I speak!!

On the other hand, sometimes I feel like I don't always have a person other than that one to listen. I've never been good at talking about MY feelings. I can dissect, analyze, talk about anyone else's for hours on end, and use my training and education to help. But when I am upset about sometime, I prefer to sweep it under the proverbial rug.

I'm thinking that I should have some stellar patience. God is really trying to teach me that my life is His, not mine, to control. I hear Him loud and clear. Unfortunately, my ego and plain 'ol human side prevents me from always listening. I really need to work on that.... Pray about it. Ask for help when I need it.

I mean, if I never TELL anyone that I need someone to listen, then how are they supposed to know? You can't fault someone for not doing something they didn't even know you needed. Right?

Thoughtful Tuesday (better late than never)

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This made me laugh. Because I'm preeeeetty sure I do this daily. Ha! I sometimes think God is like "oh goodness, here she goes again!" But He is the only "person" that will listen to me talk and talk and never tune out :)

That's all I have today. I'm tired.....

Rainy Reflections

I'm sitting outside on our patio swing, listening to it rain and the cicadas, with my puppy at my feet. Waiting on my wonderful husband to get home from football practice (two hours late!) and I am just reminded how precious life is. How blessed I am. Life could not get much better for us, even with the downs it sometimes brings. I'm so content to be right where I am.

I don't know that, until within the last year, I have felt this content. I'm really working hard on just letting things go. To not dwell on what I don't have, can't fix, need to do, or person I so desperately want to accept me. Instead, to just be in the now and stop wishing for something more or different and be grateful for what is right smack dab in front of me.

We have so many hopes and dreams for our next year of marriage. But, regardless of whether or not they happen, I know one ultimate truth: I am married to my very best friend and partner, and with him by my side, I have what I need.

I've been reading Proverbs 31 and really thinking about the type of wife I want to be. Need to be. I want to be worth "far more than rubies" (31:10) and "clothed with strength and dignity" to "laugh at the days to come" (31:25). I want to speak with wisdom and have faithful words on my tongue (31:26).

It is on my mind tonight as I sit here in peace and quiet, reflecting on the last few days. That's my goal... To be the kind of wife that reflects Proverbs 31. Here I go...

Just Hanging On

I'm here, but that is about it. I am really looking forward to a 3-day weekend, because I have tomorrow off work. That makes me very happy! I am so exhausted this week. I didn't get a lot of sleep last weekend, then with everything going on this week, I have just not gotten the amount of sleep I need to properly function.

I am hoping that tomorrow I can clean house and get groceries. Sounds exciting, doesn't it? We have not been to the grocery store in over two weeks, so we are really running low on fresh produce! I need to re-stock with as many easy, healthy options as I can find, because I have really struggled to stay on the diet bandwagon these past couple of weeks.

We have a massage scheduled for Saturday. It is our thing :) We always take the time (and the money) about every six weeks to go. Some probably think it is extravagant, but we always pay our bills and save a large amount of money monthly, so this is what we do. Gotta find happiness whenever and wherever you can.

Let me just say, also, I seriously fall more in love with my husband every day. I LOVE him so much it hurts sometimes. He is such a sweet, loving, caring man of God I could have ever asked for. What a tremendous blessing.

For Better....

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Love Them Anyway

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This means so many things to me right now. So, so many. My heart is just hurting for various reasons.... And I have always been the type of person to internalize everyone else's feelings so that they become mine. To feel like I am a failure if the people I love, help, care for don't succeed.

I do not have a lot of words today. I just have been dwelling on this thought. All we can do, especially as Christ-Followers, is to LOVE one another. Not love with an agenda, love only if you follow my rules, love when you sin the way I sin and not any other way - but pure, simple, love.

When something tragic happens to anyone close to you, it gives you perspective. Hindsight is 20/20. It also sucks. But it also makes you step back and take a look at what you have. The bottom line is, I have the love of my life. As long as I have that, I don't care what else as far as "material" things go. I am so happy and blessed right where I am, that all those little things I think I need/want - don't matter.

It also reminds you who in your life really does care about you and your loved ones. Who takes the time just to check in, if nothing else. To offer condolences or help. My family now is surrounded by so much love, that it makes my heart swell for those who are at their deepest hour of need. They know, without a doubt, they are loved. It also reminds you who in your life is too caught up in something else, whatever it is, for whatever reason, to stop and think, "Oh hey, they might need me today." But to those, what can you do - but love anyway?

Be thankful and grateful for who you have. Every single person. Love them.

Sadness

My heart is so heavy today. I am at a loss for words. I just don't understand.... How or why.

I am also mad. So mad that two children were left without a father. Left with no one to walk her down the aisle, cheer at the volleyball games, see the, graduate high school. Without a father to teach him how to date, throw a football, turkey hunt. A wife who is now without a partner. A wife who now has to be mom and dad all in one.

I'm mad at the people out there who have all of this and want to throw it away. Who just don't care enough to try when they have the chance. Who are too wrapped up in themselves to realize what's right there.

My heart breaks for everyone left behind to wonder what really happend. To question what went wrong. I'm just so, so sad....

Date Night in Instagram

We had a date night last night. This is Jay's last weekend of summer so we had to love it up. The following sums up the date :-)

Yikes!

Man oh man, I am ALL over the place as of lately! My emotions feel like a roller coaster. It is driving me crazy.

This morning, I almost started crying TWICE out of no where. Like, felt the tears well up in my eyes and did the crazy blink to keep them back. I guess it is a good thing I am in the office along today :)

For one, I am exhausted. I have not been sleeping well at all. I have so much going on in my mind. I get like this about once or twice a year. Where I am so overwhelmed that I can't get anything accomplished. My mind never stops turning. I took two benadryl last night, which knocked me out, but also caused me to wake up with terrible medicine head. I was an hour late coming into work because I could NOT get myself moving.

I think allergies/sinus plays a part in it as well. Pretty standard around this time. I thought about going to my general family practitioner and asking for a complete physical. I have never really had one. I don't think my cholesterol or BP or anything like that is funky, but then again - it never hurts to get it all checked out. My doctor asked yesterday if I ever had anything checked like that.... Not so much. I hate needles and most of those tests require one. She is going to call me in a prescription vitamin though. She said it will help with the hormonal issues and also make sure I am getting the daily dose of a lot of different things. I am sure it will raise some eyebrows at the pharmacy because of the type of vitamin it is - which is the last thing I need :)

Sometimes I think I just need someone to vent to. Justin gets the brunt of it - but he probably would like a break! I don't need to vent about him. Honestly - I have never been the kind to need to complain about my husband. Granted, we don't always get along perfectly, but the little things just DO NOT matter. But I spend a lot of my time, both at work and otherwise, listening. I like that. Because I feel like it is something I am good at. I feel helpful and like I am contributing. But other times, I want to be able to talk and talk and have someone validate ME. Tell me it is going to work out, or whatever it is just plain sucks and they wish it were different. Just the little things.

I am looking forward to the weekend. This is Justin's last weekend of freedom before starting back to school and coaching. I cannot believe summer is coming to an end. It was a GREAT first summer of not being a student or studying for the bar!!

Daily Update

Today started off a little rough. I had a doctors appointment I was dreading early this morning. I had worked myself up in such a tizzy over it! Turned out, it wasn't bad at all. I got some encouragement and had a long chat with my wonderful doctor that answered a lot of questions for me.

Afterwards, Justin and I went to Ruby Tuesday to eat lunch. They have a great salad bar and a lot of healthy options, so it's very easy for me to stay on track there. We also went to Target where I picked up a few essentials and Jay got some pants and a couple of polos for coaching this year. I for one can never come out of Target empty handed.

We had to head back home because I had an appointment at work I needed to be back for. The appointment went well, and I was glad to use the new system I am implementing for my clients and to manage my caseload. I think it will be beneficial. I didn't stay much after my appointment though, because our phones and Internet were out. That severely limits what I can accomplish!

It's probably a good thing, because I ended up with a massive headache/borderline migraine. I'm currently trying to fight that off.

Overall, the day wasn't too bad. I got my feelings stepped on a couple times, but with me - that's nothing new as of late. I've been on an emotional roller coaster it seems. I blame it on hormones!

Thoughtful Tuesdays

So I decided to give myself some blogging motivation and to also get over this little slump I'm in, I am going to blog something I have decided to call "Thoughtful Tuesdays." Where I find a inspiring, funny or appealing quote and post it, and talk a little about why it called out to me. I may do it every Tuesday or not. It's my blog :) I'm trying not to commit to as much, so we shall see.

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So here we go.

Sometimes I kind of struggle with this. The whole "this is the thing I think everyone else wants/expects me to do" versus "this is what makes ME happy."

I know there are plenty of "things" we all have to do in life that aren't the most fun or pleasurable. That's life. Plain and simple. But the big "things" - shouldn't those be the ones that make us happy? The ones that we wake up and think, I can't wait to _____?

I tend to be a doormat sometimes. Take on everyone else's problems and issues and forget that it isn't always my responsibility.

I struggle with loving my job. There are SO many good qualities and benefits to it. But on the flip side, it is SO emotionally involved. And emotionally charged. And sad. So, so sad some days. So it is one of those things where, most of the time, it doesn't make me happy. But in so many ways, it is still worth it.

But, I think, in general - this advice is well warranted. It, whatever "it" is, is NOT worth it if you aren't happy. Maybe not happy constantly, but happy at least a majority of the time. I also feel like, when you try and try and try to be happy, but you can't - that isn't a good sign. Something needs to change.

Just my two cents. Chime in if you want. Is anything worth it if it doesn't make you happy?

It's Been A While

Wow, it has been a long time. Life has been a little busy. Well, at least work has been. And life, well, it has just been moving forward.

I haven't really felt like blogging because I don't have much to say. Not much that is positive anyway. I don't want this to just be a forum for my complaining and whining all the time. I am sure you all (all 5 of you) get tired of that.

I think I may be a little depressed. Not to the point where I need to take medication or see a professional,  but just a little touch of the blues.

I am not sure why, really. Except I think I am. But I don't feel like talking about it. Or expressing it. Maybe it will all just go away.

However, what I do know is this: Regardless of how tired I am, or how blue I feel, I am blessed beyond measure. My God is awesome. And I am right where I need to be.