What a Weekend

I have been seriously MIA for a few days. Eek!

Last week there was an attorney here visiting from our state coalition, so I was super busy. I had a lot to get taken care of before she was here, because I knew I would be occupied. Then I basically had two days of no phone calls or other work getting done.

Also, someone called and wanted to see our house this weekend! YAY. But - we still had some stuff to finish up. Like putting in new toliets, finishing up some baseboards/casing, touch up paint, major cleaning and de-cluttering. Needless to say, we didn't get much rest this weekend AT ALL. Thankfully, some of our family members came over Thursday and helped install a new ceiling fan, change electrical outlets, and put in the toliets. Unfortunately, that was only the tip of the iceberg. There was SO MUCH TO GET DONE in such a short amount of time.

Add in the mix, Friday night I played Mom to Sam & Ella. But that really wasn't any additional stress. They provided lots of free labor :)

According to them, painting baseboards was soooooooo fun. Hahaha! Justin said we totally Tom Sawyer'ed them.

However, come Sunday night when we had literally run ourselves ragged and finished nearly every single project in the house, plus cleaned from top to bottom, the potential buyers didn't show. They forgot to tell me they had already signed a contract on another house.

I was super pissed. I cried. I had really hoped this would be it. But it wasn't. I don't know God's plans, but I know that they perfect. So we wait.

Waiting seems to be a theme. And I am just tired. But that is typical for the fleshly side of me......

I also think I *may* be getting sick. I really am not feeling too hot. Boo!

Today, I Choose Happiness

So I am speaking at a Victim's Rights Ceremony at 2:00pm and I haven't even prepared a speech. Instead, I am writing a blog post :) Priorities. I think I am going to wing it. I may jot down a few topic ideas, but the more I speak publicly, the better I get at just going with the flow. And it is good practice for trials - you have to think and speak eloquently on your feet!

I am frustrated today. But I am CHOOSING to be happy. It's hard. I work tirelessly. At my job, at home, in my personal life, on relationships. I know I am stressed. I can always tell because my body always responds physically to stress. I can't sleep on my tummy because I have terrible heartburn and the spot underneath my sternum is sore to the touch. This means the dreaded ulcer is making its way back. I have had numerous ulcers in my lifetime. I think that is something that once you get, it always lingers in the background waiting to strike. I started taking an OTC heartburn relief in the am and pm. Hopefully that will hold things off. I had to check with the family doc first - I am terrified to take anything while we are TTC. (Check out that lingo).

I also overslept big time this morning. As in, turned the alarm off and woke up 30 minutes later in a panic. That typically only happens when I am very tired. I am by no means a morning person, but I rarely oversleep that bad. Usually it is just hitting the snooze a few times!

Stress is no good for my body. I need to be stress free! Not sure what to do about it, really.

This job is making me stressed for sure. It is always something. Everything is an emergency. I feel like most days the weight of the world is sitting on my shoulders. I ask for help all the time. I know that I have a lot to learn. I felt horribly guilty for going on vacation. And I feel horribly guilty that I am taking some more time off at the end of May. I don't know why. Everyone else takes their time off when they want to. But I know that no one else can do my job. Period. I am the only attorney here. Which makes me want to puke most days. I had no idea how emotionally and mentally draining OR the kind of pressure that would be. I never take sick or personal days. I think I have missed maybe a day TOTAL besides vacation days from being sick or going with Jay to the doctor. I have toughed it out or stayed home for an hour or so to rest rather than just taking the day off. That is my fault.

But like I said, today, I choose happiness. I have a great family. I am in love with an amazing man. Our life is wonderfully blessed.

We are looking at a new house. We have had lots of people ask about ours (praying it turns into MORE!).

We got to keep our beautiful niece Sophie Saturday night. It is such a glimpse into how Justin will be as a parent. It almost makes me cry when I see how much he loves her (and our other niece and nephew). Because I cannot even imagine how much he will love our own. We had the best time with her. This weekend we will have our other niece and nephew. I am playing "Mom" for the night Friday and taking Ella to her school program. :-) I think Justin has a school trip that day. So I am just going to pick the kids up from school and hang out until Ella's program. I am sure they will want to go eat somewhere afterwards, then they are coming to spend the night with us. It is so different having two older kids compared to keeping a baby. But both are wonderful.

Today, I choose happiness. I have great friends. I am loved. Each day, I feel like I grow closer and closer to my SIL. I can tell her things that I won't tell anyone else, and she doesn't think I am crazy or creepy. She just says it is okay to FEEL whatever I feel.

Today, I choose happiness. I have a job. I have an income. I have a sweet house that we have made a home to come to at night. I have beautiful flowers that Justin and I water and prune every night. Together. I have Oreo. My adorable puppy who loves me unconditionally.

I. am. happy.

Hope

So today Guilana and Bill announced they are expecting through a gestational surrogate. I told Justin last night, when I heard they were going on the Today show, that I just KNEW that was their announcement. I started crying when I watched the clip. I love their show. Especially this past season. Honestly, it has brought back so many emotions, memories and fears. But, in a way I think it has been kind of a healthy release. Sometimes, you push back all those memories you are scared of because it is easier that way. But to watch it somewhat play out on television through other people - it allows you to feel it again but in a different way.

It also reminded me that through God, all things are possible. Here are two people who have done everything "right." Got married, followed the rules. Lived a super healthy and clean lifestyle (much more so than me!) and wanted to bring a baby into this world. They obviously have every resource available to raise a child, and it appears plenty of love and family support. But it didn't work out like they planned. It isn't quite fair, life. Sometimes it throws you a curve ball and you think "what the hell?!" But they still prevailed. Maybe not in the conventional way. Definitely not in a way that is easily available to us common folk. But they are getting their baby.

Maybe, just maybe, it is what I needed to see to know that all things work out in time.

Source: etsy.com via Claire on Pinterest

Disney World Recap - Hollywood Studios & Animal Kingdom

We probably spent the least amount of time at Hollywood Studios. There really weren't a lot of rides or attractions we were interested in. We did take advantage of the Extra Magic Hours and were able to walk right onto Tower of Terror. Right after dinner. Not the smartest move. I am pretty sure my Ruben came back up when that elevator dropped.

We did eat dinner at a really cool place called the Sci-Fi Drive In Theater. You ate in cars and there was a huge movie screen that played old sci-fi clips, cartoons and drive-in movie ads. It was really fun and worth going to!

We spent a little more time in Animal Kingdom. We went on the safari, which was interesting, but I don't know if we would do it again. They went SO fast it was almost impossible to get pictures or see anything. We both agreed our favorite rides were in Animal Kingdom, though. We LOVED Everest. It was crazy fun, and the Yetti about did me in. I was warned, but didn't realize how freaky it was! The picture that was snapped was hilarious. I look like I am about to barf, and am practically in Justin's lap, and he is laughing. We should have bought that one! We also liked the Kali River Rapids. We both ended up pretty soaked afterwards - but what's the point if you don't get wet?

Disney World Recap - Magic Kingdom

Walt Disney World is the most magical place I have ever been. Seriously. I know it sounds so cliche, but it is TRUE! It was like walking back into childhood. Every "cast member" (which I learned just means employee) of Disney was so nice. They ended every conversation with "Have a magical day" and most of them called my Princess. It was hilarious. And I loved it.

We stayed at Disney's Polynesian Resort. I would highly recommend it. The rooms were spacious and nice. The resort was breathtaking. It was directly across the lake from Magic Kingdom and we could see Cinderella's Castle from our balcony. Our room overlooked the lagoon and was right on a beach with hammocks and palm trees.

We spent a LOT of time at Disney's Magic Kingdom. We both agreed it felt the most "magical." I loved loved LOVED Main Street, U.S.A. We had so much fun walking up and down the street and looking into all the shops, bakeries and restaurants.

We road a lot of rides in Magic Kingdom, including Space Mountain, It's A Small World, Haunted Mansion, Peter Pan's Flight, Snow White's Scary Adventure, Mad Teacups, and many more. The BEST part, hands down, was the firework show and Cinderella's Castle. It was breathtaking.

Best tips for Magic Kingdom:

• Make SURE to stay one evening for the fireworks and parade
• If you are short on time, spend it here
• Check out all of the little shops in each of the "lands" and on Main Street

We still had three more parks to visit - believe me, we were exhausted, but we made it work!

Accomplished. 30 Things: Day 16

What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

graduating from undergraduate, graduate and law school in 7 years

Those were seriously the seven hardest years of my life. I went non-stop and was exhausted before it was all over with. But now, I have THREE awesome degrees and such a depth of knowledge and understanding that is what sets my apart in my chosen career. I worked my tail off. I went through summers, and got my MSW and JD AT THE SAME TIME. It was crazy. But I am proud, and I know it really is a huge accomplishment.

nurturing a loving marriage

I am by no means saying our marriage is perfect. What I will say is that I think in this day in age, being married to a loving and faithful companion in a relationship based off love, communication and respect, is a major accomplishment. I am very proud of the fact that my husband is my best friend, lover, biggest cheerleader, shoulder to lean on, and head of our household. While we haven't been married a year yet - we have been together in a committed relationship for a very long time. We have made it through some major trials, and lots of minor trials. And we have never turned away from each other :)

never losing my faith

 I have always had a deep-rooted faith in God. Even through the most trying of times, I have never lost that faith. I may get upset, and begin to ask the "whys" like any other human being. But - I am a sinner saved by His abundant grace, and for that, I am beyond proud.

working in a (very) difficult profession & keeping my passion

Not a lot of people can do this job. That's why I am one of only TWO in the entire state of Missouri that work through the grant that I receive, in the type of setting I work in. This job is extremely emotionally and mentally taxing. I am new, young, and sometimes confused - but, I chose this. Or rather, God chose this for me. So I listened.

passing the bar 

Those two months of studying for the bar were pure heck. I studied anywhere from 8-12 hours EVERY day, give or take maybe five days. I was petrified and convinced I had failed. I remember seeing the results pop up on the computer screen - I couldn't even read. Justin kept saying "you passed, you passed! There is your name!" and I was crying "I CAN'T READ MY NAME!!!" I eventually printed it off so I could see it on paper and make sure it was real. I was never so relieved!

Easter

Easter was a very fun weekend! Thursday evening, my niece and nephew were in town. So Justin and I went over to my parents' house and dyed Easter eggs with them before our evening Church service. They ended up coming home with us and spending the night. About 1:30am I found Ella still awake drinking Coke straight from the 2-liter bottle. What can I say? They know the motto - "What happens at Baba's, stays at Baba's!!"

Sunday morning, Justin and I were at Church bright and early to organize a continential breakfast and Easter egg hunt. It turned out to be a great time. The kids had a blast hunting eggs! I think this is a tradition we will carry on, hopefully.

We then headed straight to Justin's Grandma Jo's for a wonderful and delicious Easter lunch. I was STUFFED to the gills. But it was so worth it. After lunch, the little kids had an Easter egg hunt, followed by the adults. It was competitive. I lost. I stink at hunting eggs apparently.

We headed over to my parents for Easter dinner. My baby brother was home from college, and we spent some time with him and watching Duck Dynasty. That show is awesome. I can't even lie about it.

At the end of the day, though, I stopped to thank my God for sacrificing his ONLY son for my freedom. I cannot even imagine. But I am eternally grateful and a SAVED sinner because He did.

I'm Back!

What a week it has been!! We had an absolute BLAST at Disney World. I am forever grateful to my sweet BFF's parents for sharing their Disney points so that we could have this opportunity. It couldn't have come at a better time - or have been a better reminder of what a wonderful, blessed life we have.

On the agenda for this week - lots of catching up at work and at home. We need to get on the ball ASAP since we have decided to put our house on the market and will potentially be making an offer on another home soon. Fingers crossed! I am praying that if this is what we need, then God will make a way for us. If you know of anyone looking for a home, send them our way. We have put our heart and soul into making this house a home, so I know it will make another family a very nice place to live one day!

Also, I have decided to learn everything I can about fertility and getting pregnant. I need to know all the options and factors, so I have bought TWO books (of course) to read and study up on. Mainly, I want to make sure I am doing everything I can to provide a healthy habitat for a little Baby G or Baby M Poley to thrive in. (Yes, we already have names). I am changing my diet, taking a whole handful of various vitamins, changing my exercise routine, taking my tempature every day. It's kind of crazy BUT worth it to know I am doing everything possible that is in MY control. And praying - a lot!

Here is the book I read first, which is amazingly informational and one that I highly recommend to ANY female wanting to know more about reproduction and our bodies in general:

Taking Charge of Your Fertility, 10th Edition

This has been a great help in figuring out how my body is working and responding, especially after stopping synthetic hormones. It also has a lot of great information about talking to your doctor and looking at fertility treatments, if and when necessary.

I just ordered this book, and am hoping it works. It talks a lot about diet and lifestyle changes. It should be here today, and I am excited to read it and make the suggested changes.

Making Babies

I am also tracking my basil body temperature and a few other body signs through a site called Ova Ova. It is really user friendly and helps keep track of all this information!

Here's hoping all this information works. =) I guess we shall see!

Also - I plan to blog about Easter and Disney in the next few days. We only have 600 pictures, give or take.

The Magic

There is no way to understand how magical Disney is until you visit! Can't wait to share our adventures, but for now here is a picture from today:

We are almost

To Walt Disney World!!! Made it to Ocala Florida for the night, then heading to the Polynesian bright and early in the am! I'll try to post updates ;-)

Animals.... 30 Things: Day 15

If you were an animal, what would you be and why?


This is a tough one for me. I really don't know WHAT type of animal I'd be. I mean, other than Oreo, I am  not generally a fan of animals.


So if I could live the sweet life like Oreo, I guess I'd be a dog. He has got it made. In fact, as I type, he is snuggled up on the couch between his two cousins. That dog does nothing but eat and sleep all day, with the occasional stroll around the yard.


I wouldn't be a snake, or any other reptile, a bird,  or a bug. I wouldn't be a squirrel. I wouldn't be a zebra or a lion or a tiger or a bear (oh my). Maybe if I go through every animal in the animal kingdom, by process of elimination, I'll know what I want to be?


I was asked this question in an interview once. I can't remember what I even said. But I know it had to be something more creative than dog!

I Am Woman.... 30 Things: Day 14

Describe 5 strengths you have.

I am very passionate.

I am a very passionate person when it comes to anything I support. I will give whatever the task is my all. It can be something little or minor, to a huge feat. I will jump in and never look back if I know it is something that I am supposed to do.

I am very compassionate.

I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I have a lot of compassion for others. That is probably why I do the job that I do. I feel for anyone who is hurting, sad, or in pain. I want to fix everyone's problem and "make it all better." This strength definitely costs me though!

 

I am a good listener.

Again - probably why I do the job that I do. But I think I am a very good listener. I also have a lot of training in this area with my social work/MSW background. But I can listen and help people process, which I feel is a great quality to have.

I am very loyal.

Once you have me on your side, I am there. Full throttle. When I make a promise or love someone, I do it with my entire heart and soul. If you are my family - I will do anything you need. I will always support you.

I am bossy.

See #5 on the previous post. It's both a blessing and a curse!!!

Weaknesses.... 30 Things: Day 13

Describe 5 weaknesses you have.

I react instead of respond.

In any type of emergency situation, my initial response is usually a very panicked reaction. I can't control it. It takes me a good while to calm down before I can be rational. I dread to see how that goes with children. Hopefully the good Lord helps me to realize when I respond with immediate prayer, my reactions are much calmer. I try to remember this. But I tend to be the one who runs in circles flapping their arms - well, at least if the situation directly affects myself or a loved one. Case in point: Oreo ran into a vehicle while it was flying down the road. I say he ran into it because the vehicle didn't really run over him. But I digress. I called Justin in a PANIC and couldn't even talk I was crying so hard. I scared the living daylights out of him, only to say - but don't worry, Oreo is fine! Which he was, but later on, he gave us a little scare, so we "rushed" him to the vet. I sobbed uncontrollably the entire way. Justin may or may not have threatened to put my out on the side of the road.... On the bright side: If I am an outsider to the situation, I am much more adept and responding appropriately.  

I have very low self-confidence.

I am my own worst critic. I make myself physically ill worrying about all the things I have "done wrong" in one day. I put way too much pressure on myself, and never believe I am correct when it comes to important issues. It's crazy. I KNOW I am very well educated and highly trained in my job, but yet I constantly stress I am doing something wrong. For the first few months, I was convinced multiple times a day I would loose my bar license. Which, by the way, is extremely hard to accomplish :)

Food.

I have a weakness for food. I am kind of addicted. I love food. Seriously. I love to eat. And every day I struggle with making good choices so that I am healthy and have a good body image. But man oh man, I am addicted to anything that tastes good!

I am a people pleaser.

I worry constantly about what other people think of me, when I should be worrying about what GOD is thinking of me. I have really taken this thought to heart here lately. I even had a little sign printed and framed for my office that says "Have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it?" At the end of the day, all that should matter is that in God's eyes I was doing HIS will - whatever the outcome of that should be.

I am bossy, opinionated and headstrong.

Sometimes this gets me into trouble. I am not the best at keeping my opinions to myself, hiding my feelings, or just going with the flow. But I've been trying to be better about this. Really. I have.

Typical Day... 30 Things: Day 12

Describe a typical day in your current life.

Weekday

 Alarm goes off at 6:30am. Roll over, groan, hit snooze. Alarm goes back off at 6:39am. Roll over, hit snooze again. Alarm goes off at 6:48am. Roll over, hit snooze again. Take basil body temperature and record. Alarm goes off one final time. Make myself get out of bed. Let Oreo out if Justin hasn't.

Stumble into bathroom, put in contacts, pee and brush teeth. All at the same time :) Stumble into shower. Try to take a quick shower since I am already running late. Get out, put on robe, do make-up and hair. Feed Oreo. Make some type of breakfast that I can bring to work with me. Get dressed. Running very late by now. Rush out the door and get fresh water for Oreo if Justin's hasn't.

Run into work. Make my coffee, check email, messages and snail mail. Start the crazy day. Some days I have court in the AM, so I will look over my files and make sure I have everything I need. Take lots of phone calls and work on paperwork, letters, discovery. Meet with clients. Head back to court in the afternoon some days. Try to get a lunch in there somewhere. Pray I get out of here by 5:00pm.

After work, I usually come home and pick up the house if I didn't get to do it on my lunch hour. Now that it is so nice, we will either go for a walk or work outside for a while. I'll cook supper most nights, then we will watch some TV. Sometimes we change things up and may read or go visit the parents, in-laws, or BIL/SIL and our precious Sophie.

We normally get into bed around 10:00pm or 11:00pm. Too late really. Which is why I hit the snooze button about 15 times in the morning!

Weekend

Try to sleep in on Saturday. Usually I wake up before Justin, and then I roll over and pester him until he gets up, too. Some mornings I will get up and cook a big breakfast. Sometimes we are just lazy and will eat lunch later on. Most Saturdays we have something to do. We may go to Cape and shop/eat/hang out, or work in the yard or around the house. We almost always eat out at some point on Saturday. Although now that it is nice and we can grill, I have a feeling we will grill most Saturdays at some point!

Sundays we always get up around 9:30 and start getting ready for church, which starts at 11:00. And we are always late. After church, we usually swing by the grocery store for sundried tomato turkey :) We eat lunch, then usually take a nap! We are old (or maybe just wise) beyond our years. Sunday afternoons we usually just take it easy and hang out. Gotta rest up for the work week!


Since it is just Justin & I, we have a lot of flexibility. Oreo is old enough to stay by himself (hehe), so we can do whatever we want on a whim. We don't often make plans ahead of time, but just do what we get the urge to do. And though we both cannot wait for the moment God gives us a little baby, we are enjoying this time together while we can!

Weekend Update

We had a great weekend! Friday night Justin had to chaperon the Jr. High dance, so I joined him. I enjoyed watching the kids have fun, and got to see a few of my favorites. Justin even asked me to slow dance. How romantic! Considering, we were that age when we started dating. Haha.

Saturday we slept in, then decided to head to Charleston to take some clothes to the second hand store. While we were there, I talked him into stopping at Main Street Sweets for a delicious donut. We had dessert before lunch :) But man, was it worth it! We drove around looking at all the pretty azaleas and Dogwood trees, then decided to go eat Mexican. While we were there, we decided that since we were out and about, we might as well head over to Lowes (again!) and look at the flowers. That turned into a very expensive shopping trip I might say. But - we got a LOT of flowers and the black flowerbed paper stuff (forgive me for not knowing what that is called). Anyway, we spent all afternoon ripping out our flowerbeds and replanting every flower, and putting the weed barrier down. We were exhausted by the end of the evening, and to quit when sun went down.

The back of my Santa Fe after Lowes =)

This morning, we got up super early and went to church in Cape to see my nephew, Sam, take his First Communion. It was such a special day.

Afterwards, we went for breakfast and then headed back home to finish up in our yard. All in all it was a great weekend!