Today, I Choose Happiness

So I am speaking at a Victim's Rights Ceremony at 2:00pm and I haven't even prepared a speech. Instead, I am writing a blog post :) Priorities. I think I am going to wing it. I may jot down a few topic ideas, but the more I speak publicly, the better I get at just going with the flow. And it is good practice for trials - you have to think and speak eloquently on your feet!

I am frustrated today. But I am CHOOSING to be happy. It's hard. I work tirelessly. At my job, at home, in my personal life, on relationships. I know I am stressed. I can always tell because my body always responds physically to stress. I can't sleep on my tummy because I have terrible heartburn and the spot underneath my sternum is sore to the touch. This means the dreaded ulcer is making its way back. I have had numerous ulcers in my lifetime. I think that is something that once you get, it always lingers in the background waiting to strike. I started taking an OTC heartburn relief in the am and pm. Hopefully that will hold things off. I had to check with the family doc first - I am terrified to take anything while we are TTC. (Check out that lingo).

I also overslept big time this morning. As in, turned the alarm off and woke up 30 minutes later in a panic. That typically only happens when I am very tired. I am by no means a morning person, but I rarely oversleep that bad. Usually it is just hitting the snooze a few times!

Stress is no good for my body. I need to be stress free! Not sure what to do about it, really.

This job is making me stressed for sure. It is always something. Everything is an emergency. I feel like most days the weight of the world is sitting on my shoulders. I ask for help all the time. I know that I have a lot to learn. I felt horribly guilty for going on vacation. And I feel horribly guilty that I am taking some more time off at the end of May. I don't know why. Everyone else takes their time off when they want to. But I know that no one else can do my job. Period. I am the only attorney here. Which makes me want to puke most days. I had no idea how emotionally and mentally draining OR the kind of pressure that would be. I never take sick or personal days. I think I have missed maybe a day TOTAL besides vacation days from being sick or going with Jay to the doctor. I have toughed it out or stayed home for an hour or so to rest rather than just taking the day off. That is my fault.

But like I said, today, I choose happiness. I have a great family. I am in love with an amazing man. Our life is wonderfully blessed.

We are looking at a new house. We have had lots of people ask about ours (praying it turns into MORE!).

We got to keep our beautiful niece Sophie Saturday night. It is such a glimpse into how Justin will be as a parent. It almost makes me cry when I see how much he loves her (and our other niece and nephew). Because I cannot even imagine how much he will love our own. We had the best time with her. This weekend we will have our other niece and nephew. I am playing "Mom" for the night Friday and taking Ella to her school program. :-) I think Justin has a school trip that day. So I am just going to pick the kids up from school and hang out until Ella's program. I am sure they will want to go eat somewhere afterwards, then they are coming to spend the night with us. It is so different having two older kids compared to keeping a baby. But both are wonderful.

Today, I choose happiness. I have great friends. I am loved. Each day, I feel like I grow closer and closer to my SIL. I can tell her things that I won't tell anyone else, and she doesn't think I am crazy or creepy. She just says it is okay to FEEL whatever I feel.

Today, I choose happiness. I have a job. I have an income. I have a sweet house that we have made a home to come to at night. I have beautiful flowers that Justin and I water and prune every night. Together. I have Oreo. My adorable puppy who loves me unconditionally.

I. am. happy.